


An Open Heart is an Open Wound to You

by howtosingit



Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Boys In Love, Carlos is surprised, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Fluff, Healthy Relationships, I think not, Is there anything sexier than open and honest communication?, M/M, Near Future, Romance, TK shares a part of himself, There’s a lot of talking, They're so in love it hurts me, future canon fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:47:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24189136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/howtosingit/pseuds/howtosingit
Summary: Days after the solar storm, Carlos and TK spend another night under the stars.*Basically, a re-do of the 1x02 disaster dinner, taking place just after 1x10.
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand
Comments: 31
Kudos: 253
Collections: 9-1-1 Lone Star Week





	An Open Heart is an Open Wound to You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Bellakitse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bellakitse/gifts).



> This fic came from my desperate need to fix the dinner scene from episode 2, which still hurts SO MUCH to watch, as well as my interest in exploring TK’s perspective on/history of romantic relationships. 
> 
> As always, a gigantic thank you to emisfritish for reading everything I write and giving me the best critiques and suggestions to make it all better. 
> 
> This fic is for Stef, whose Tarlos fic has inspired me in ways that I will never be able to fully express. Consider this work a small thank you for every single word you’ve ever written for this fandom.
> 
> Title from “the words” by Christina Perri.

————————————

Carlos can’t help but to let out a deep sigh as soon as he steps foot into his apartment. There’s a stillness to the space, a quiet that comforts him. It’s been so hard for him to find that kind of peace in the past two weeks; between the shooting, the lack of sleep from the fallout of the shooting, the solar storm, and the additional work following the solar storm, he feels like he hasn’t had a moment alone to catch his breath. It’s making him feel off-balance, like he hasn’t been able to fully adjust to everything going on around him.

So, he takes a shower, and it helps. He can feel waves of tension flowing off him as he stands under the hot water. He breathes deeply, taking in the heat, cleansing his lungs. He massages his eyelids, his neck and shoulders, his arms, driving away the tightness that he’s felt building. It’s relaxing, and he stays under the shower head much longer than he planned to, swaying in and out of full consciousness. 

What feels like an hour later, he returns to his kitchen, opening the fridge to see what he can pull together to eat. He’s much calmer than before, but there’s still something off about his apartment. He looks around the room, trying to spot what might be making him feel on-edge, but nothing looks out of place. He can’t pinpoint what it is, but he feels like something’s missing. 

He’s staring off into space, brows furrowed in thought, when his phone buzzes on the counter next to him. The name on the screen brings a sudden smile to his face, one that drives his current concerns to the back of his mind.

**_Wanna come over?_ **

His eyebrows raise slightly in surprise; in the many months that he has known TK, the man has never invited him over to his place. Sure, their moment on top of his Camaro only two nights ago seemed to imply that they might be moving in a different direction, but still... This feels big, in a way, and Carlos is ashamed to admit it, but he didn’t think TK would be taking big swings this soon. 

His delay in responding becomes obvious when his phone buzzes again in his hand.

**_I miss you._ **

His eyebrows raise even higher, this time accompanied by a soft smile. It’s not that TK has been constantly emotionally distant, but he’s not usually this forthcoming either, especially through text. Carlos huffs out a laugh, thinking about how it’s only been a couple of days since they had some alone time, but how much he has also missed his… whatever they are now. And since Carlos has never really been one to hide his true feelings, he doesn’t hesitate to tell TK that.

_I’ve missed you too. Be there in 20 minutes, that okay?_

**_20 mins is perfect! No speeding, Officer Reyes ;)_ **

Fondly, Carlos rolls his eyes, dropping his phone on the counter and moving towards his bedroom. If he’s going to see TK, he’s going to need to wear something other than his faded sweatpants. 

————————————

Eighteen minutes later, he’s pulling up outside the Strand house, tapping his fingers nervously on the steering wheel as he comes to a stop. He doesn’t even know why he’s feeling anxious; he’s known TK for months now, and he’s seen a lot of different sides of the man that he’s come to care for deeply. For some reason, this invitation feels like a turning point for them, and the pressure of what that could mean causes him to rub at his forehead, trying to lessen the stress he feels building there. He just really wants this to work out, probably more than he’s ever wanted anything, if he’s being honest.

Shaking himself, he gets out of the car and moves up the front path towards the house, noting the absence of Captain Strand’s truck in the drive. With a deep breath, he raises his hand to the door and gently knocks. 

It must be only seconds later when the door opens, almost as if TK was standing there in wait. Their eyes immediately link, a gentle softness that pulls a breath from Carlos. He just saw TK earlier this week, but that doesn’t stop Carlos from feeling like he’s seeing him for the very first time; it happens more often than he will probably ever admit. 

“Hi,” TK says gently, cutting through the silence. Carlos feels his smile widen slightly in response. He takes a chance and steps through the doorway, sliding his arms underneath TK’s to wrap him in a hug, mindful of his shoulder. TK tenses in surprise before huffing out a laugh, wrapping his own arms around Carlos’s shoulders.

“Hi,” Carlos replies, pressing his face into TK’s neck. He’s quickly discovered that it’s his favorite place to be.

“Hi,” TK breathes out, nuzzling Carlos behind the ear. He shivers in response, feeling a little ridiculous, but he kind of doesn’t ever want this moment to end. Before he can say anything further, his stomach lets out a small groan and he feels TK begin to shake with laughter as he pulls away slightly, giving him an amused look. “Either you're hungry, or I’m awakening some very strange parts of your body.” 

Carlos rolls his eyes. “You awaken every part of my body, cariño” he says, knowing full-well how stupid it sounds as it comes out, but he also notices how TK’s eyes darken just a bit, so he can’t be too embarrassed. “I am a bit hungry, though,” he admits. “Work was a little crazy and I skipped lunch.”

TK grins, letting out a small noise of understanding. “I just may be able to help you with that,” he says, grabbing Carlos’s hand and turning to lead him further into the house. He follows, gripping tightly to TK’s hand as he looks around. The decor doesn’t surprise him — it’s very similar to the remodeled firehouse, and he recognizes Captain Strand’s commitment to his personal style. It makes Carlos smile, happy to see a little further into TK’s world. 

TK leads him to the back of the house and through the sliding patio door into the backyard, where he stops abruptly, Carlos jerking quickly to the side to avoid running into him. He looks out at the small, fenced-in area, and can’t help the sharp breath that steals into his chest.

The yard features a picnic table, currently ladened with a full dining setup. He can see multiple candles at both ends, dishes of food next to those, and two plates at the center. Near the middle, he sees two champagne flutes and an ice bucket with two bottles sweating in the mild Texas heat. Carlos’s gaze shifts upward, above the table, eyeing the string lights that criss-cross over the table, twinkling softly. He grips TK’s hand tightly, intertwining their fingers as he feels himself vibrate with overwhelming emotion. TK never fails to surprise him, and it knocks him back every time.

He thinks the other man understands, as TK rises up to press a soft kiss to his cheek before dragging them closer to the table. Carlos allows TK to drop his hand as he reaches for one of the bottles and pours two glasses of sparkling golden liquid for them. He’s confused as he silently watches, taking his glass with a small shake of his head, TK clinking them together and raising his eyebrow to indicate that Carlos should take a drink.

The minute the liquid hits his tongue, Carlos recognizes the definite lack of alcohol. “It’s grape juice,” TK confirms, a small blush on his face as he takes a sip. “I know it’s kind of childish, I just wanted to recreate the—”

Carlos cuts him off with a kiss, smiling as TK lets out a small gasp, causing Carlos to push closer, parting his lips. TK does the same and as their tongues brush against one another, Carlos can faintly taste the juice, but mostly he just tastes TK. It’s kind of his favorite taste in the world.

They get lost in each other for a moment, Carlos reaching up to grip the back of TK’s head when he senses TK’s hand on his waist. He feels like he could spend the rest of his life kissing TK and never regret a single second of it, but at some point they both need air. “I really like grape juice,” Carlos says when their lips part, pressing forward to rest his forehead against TK’s. He watches as TK’s lips raise into a soft smile.

“I hope it goes well with dinner, which I have to be honest with you, I did not make” TK says, pulling back to gesture down at the table. Carlos follows his lead, moving to sit as TK stands across from him, grabbing his plate to begin serving the food. Carlos recognizes the baked red snapper, and his heart immediately swells in his chest. “First big thing to know about me: I burn water. You do not want me to cook for you.”

Carlos lets out a sound of disagreement, staring up at TK as he moves along the table filling the plate with salad and bread and asparagus. “I’d be happy to give you some lessons,” he says. “I love to cook.”

“I remember,” TK says, a slight grimace on his face. He doesn’t let it linger though. “You really think you could teach me a thing or two? People have tried before.”

“I think we could at least get you past the ‘burning water’ phase,” Carlos jokes as his plate is placed in front of him. “This all looks incredible, TK. All of it,” he says, gesturing to the entire set-up. 

TK blushes down at his plate before reaching for his glass, raising it to hover between them. “To surviving a solar storm,” he toasts, and Carlos responds, taking another sip. “Speaking of, how’s work? You said today was crazy?”

Carlos nods, diving into his day as they begin to eat. It’s easy, comfortable conversation, with TK responding with his own insight into what’s going on at the firehouse. He may not be back at work, but his team texts him constantly in their group chat, and he’s stopped by to hang out with Buttercup a couple of times. When TK speaks, Carlos can’t help but stare openly, watching as his bright green eyes reflect the twinkling lights above them. The thought of TK is usually enough to make his brain short-circuit, but seeing him here, so relaxed and happy as he shares a story about Marjan and Mateo and a prank gone wrong, Carlos can’t help but to admire his radiance. He’s unlike anyone that Carlos has ever seen. 

“This was delicious, TK, thank you,” he says, tossing a napkin onto his now-empty plate. “It means a lot that you did all of this for me.”

TK, who at this point is completely relaxed, stares across the table at him, tapping his fingers along the wood grain. For a minute, they just sit in silence, staring at one another, happy to be sharing time and space. Carlos watches as TK rises and moves around the table, leaning down to press a short kiss to his lips. He grabs his hand and moves away, pulling Carlos up from the table. “Come sit with me.”

Carlos happily follows TK over to a garden bench off to the side that he had missed when he first entered the yard. They sit side-by-side, TK immediately folding himself into his side as Carlos puts an arm around his shoulder, careful of his healing injury. TK grips the hand in his lap, caressing his fingers, almost as if he’s distracting himself. Carlos waits with bated breath, unsure what he might be building to say.

“I used to dream about moments like this,” TK says into the silence. Carlos glances down at him, but TK is looking off towards the table and the twinkling lights, lost in thought. “My high school friends used to laugh at me all the time about my high aspirations for romance.

“I think I blame my parents. They may have gotten a divorce, but the minute I heard how they met, I knew soulmates were real. Something about the idea of a young firefighter and a stressed-out law student meeting because she forgot about her dinner in the oven while studying and nearly burned her building down, it just screamed everlasting love to me.”

Carlos huffs out a laugh, somewhat in response to the story but mostly in response to what TK is doing; he’s never openly shared so much personal information before. He can feel TK’s smile against his chest. 

“Even when they separated, I convinced myself that it wasn’t because they didn’t love each other, it was just because the world wasn’t built to support their love story. And then, years later, when I realized I was gay, I couldn’t help but wonder if the world was built to support mine.”

Carlos grips TK’s hand in his own, feeling the pain of his words. He remembers feeling similarly when he discovered the truth about himself. It’s a feeling that he knows will probably never go away completely.

“But my parents were completely supportive,” TK continues. “I never doubted their love for me, not about that. So, with all of that support surrounding me, I kept believing in love. In the fairytale of it all, the earth-shattering romance. Even when things got harder, I still believed in that dream.

“I dated a lot in college. I put myself out there, I charmed boys, I wooed them. I did everything I could to make it feel big, make it feel like that dream that I wanted. The problem is, you can’t just create a big love story out of nothing. I tried really hard to do that, too hard. Like, ‘dated a user and used with him because I thought it would bring us closer’ level of trying. Turns out, pills can help fill the gaps that you’re trying to fill with guys who don’t give a shit and dads who choose their work over you.”

Carlos can feel TK shaking, and he tightens his grip on him, learning down to press a kiss to his temple. TK turns his head just slightly, pressing his lips against Carlos’s shirt, near his rapidly beating heart. He knows it’s impossible to actually feel it against his skin, but Carlos can’t help but feel like TK has branded him. 

“My addiction got bad enough that my parents couldn’t ignore it anymore. I went to a rehab place upstate the summer after my graduation. When I came back, I enrolled in the academy. I’d always wanted to be a firefighter, and Dad was happy to have me close, to watch me. It worked for a few years. I fell in love with my job, with the high that comes with saving people. I stayed away from pills, I did the casual thing with guys. It wasn’t my old dream, but it felt okay. And then I met Alex.”

TK pauses, pulling away with a sigh to lean back against the bench, looking up at the night sky. Carlos adjusts himself to accommodate the sudden change, his nerves spiking at the movement, but also at the heavy way that TK speaks the name. 

“He was a nice guy,” TK says, still looking upwards. “Better than any of my college boyfriends, better than the casual hookups. He was a photographer, we met at a first responder fundraiser. He was nice to look at and we looked good together. I felt good with him. 

“My dad didn’t care for him. He thought Alex was too self-centered, too interested in who he was going to be and not at all interested in where he was or who he was with. I don’t really know if that’s true. Looking back, I can see that I fell into my try-too-hard behavior from before: I planned all of our dates, I introduced him to all of my friends, I bought him nonsense gifts just because, I said ‘I love you’ first. I was always the one putting my heart out there. I didn’t see all of that then, though. I thought he was my soulmate. I thought he was my dream, and I wanted to marry him.”

TK closes his eyes, heaving out a heavy sigh. Carlos itches to hold him again, but he doesn’t know where this all is going, and he wants to respect TK’s need for space. He scoots over just a bit, pressing their sides together again, but he doesn’t reach out, choosing instead to leave his palm lying flat against his thigh. It feels like forever, but finally, TK reaches out and takes his hand again, interlocking their fingers. 

“You know the rest,” he says with a sigh. “Nuclear breakup, at the dinner where I was going to propose. He had been seeing someone else for months. It’s so obvious to me now, he was always pulling away, filling his evenings with ‘work.’ There was this distance between us, and I didn’t see it. Or I didn’t want to see it. And then it all just collapsed around me, this fairytale idea of what our relationship was, and I couldn’t handle it. So I tried to fill the gaps again, and I went too far.” 

Carlos shutters out a small gasp at the reminder of TK’s overdose. No matter how many times he thinks about it, he can’t get past the idea that he was _this close_ to never meeting the man sitting next to him. He was so close to never experiencing everything that TK makes him feel and want. TK turns, his eyes full of concern, and pulls their bodies together, caressing the back of Carlos’s neck as they both breathe deeply in each other’s arms. 

“You weren’t supposed to find me so soon, Carlos Reyes. When I got here, I wasn’t anything like myself. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I couldn’t feel anything, and I didn’t want to. I was so tired of trying. I was tired of losing myself to this idea of something that, clearly, I could never have. 

“And then you walked up to me in that bar and I… Carlos, men like you are not supposed to exist,” TK says with a laugh. Carlos rolls his eyes, opening his mouth to speak, but TK cuts him off before he can say anything. “Don’t argue with me on this, I’m right. I’ll ask every single person in Austin, and they’ll say the same thing. Even the straight guys.

“But there you were, and I may not have wanted to feel anything, but you didn’t give me a choice. You were otherworldly. And you have to know, you’re the best partner I’ve ever had in bed.”

Carlos can feel himself blush as he turns to hide in TK’s uninjured shoulder. He hears the firefighter laugh, and feels him press his cheek against Carlos’s curls.

“I mean it! I’ve never had anyone give so much of themselves to me before. It was overwhelming, in the best way. You lit me up, Carlos. And I couldn’t stay away, even when I really wanted to.” 

Carlos closes his eyes, knowing what TK’s going to say next. 

“That night,” TK says, squeezing Carlos tighter as his voice stutters. “Carlos, you have to know that I have so many regrets about that night and the way I reacted, the way I treated you. I’m so sorry.”

“Ty, I know,” Carlos says, raising his head to look TK in the eye. He cups his cheek, trying to rub away the stress that he can see on TK’s face. “You’ve already apologized for that, and I forgave you.”

“I know, I know,” TK replies, covering Carlos’s hand with his own. “But let me explain, okay. It’s important to me.” When Carlos nods, he goes on. “No one, and I mean no one, that I have ever dated has done something like that for me. Cooking me a full dinner after midnight, just because you wanted to see me, talk to me, get to know me?”

“It was ridiculous, I can’t believe I did that,” Carlos huffs, shaking his head. 

“It was my dream, Carlos,” TK whispers. Carlos’s eyes widen at his candor as they stare openly at one another. “That dinner was like something out of every dream that I have ever had about romance. The idea that someone would go to such lengths just to spend time with me? That they would understand my life in such a way that they wouldn’t be put off by my weird schedule? That they would light candles, and dress nicely, and serve me dinner? That was everything that I ever dreamed of, and something I had never had. And it scared the hell out of me.” 

“Ty, you don’t have to be scared of me,” Carlos tries, but TK keeps going.

“I know that now,” he says, “but then? Then I didn’t want those feelings. I didn’t want the dream. The dream had hurt me, the wound felt too fresh. I didn’t want the big, romantic fairytale. I just wanted simple and easy, and I hurt you. I was selfish and I made a mess of everything, and I’ll always be sorry for that.”

Carlos pulls away then, breathing deeply as he clutches TK’s hand in his. This is so much more than he expected for this evening, and he needs a moment to process. He looks at the night sky, the stars twinkling along with the lights hanging in his periphery. He wants to tell TK that he doesn’t have to keep apologizing, but he doesn’t think that his words would be enough. He realizes now that this dinner was TK’s way of making amends for that night. It means a lot to him that he would go this far to show how much he cares, even if Carlos forgave him months ago. A gentle breeze rustles the leaves on a nearby tree in the backyard, and Carlos gets an idea.

He rises from the bench, pulling his phone out of his back pocket and opening his music app. He clicks play on a song, keeping the volume low as he turns back towards TK. The other man is looking up at him, his face concerned as his eyes continue to twinkle in the lights. Carlos holds out his hand. “Can I share something with you now?”

TK doesn’t hesitate before taking his hand and following Carlos to the middle of the backyard. He turns and gathers TK into his arms, pressing him close as he starts to sway to the gentle guitar music. TK seems confused at first, but he slowly allows Carlos to turn them in a slow circle.

“I’m not a dream, Ty,” Carlos speaks softly into his ear. “I’m a person, just like you. And I’m not a perfect person, as much as I try to be. I’m going to make mistakes. You’ll make mistakes. We’ll make mistakes together. We’ll fight sometimes, we’ll scare each other. It’s going to be a lot. I’m not a person who feels things casually. I’m an all-in kind of guy.”

Carlos pulls back, cupping TK’s face in his hands. His eyes are shining with tears that have yet to fall, and Carlos can’t help but press his lips to TK’s forehead in comfort. 

“There are going to be more messes,” Carlos adds, staring directly into the eyes of the man that he probably already loves. “But I already know that I would rather make a million messes with you than live a mess-free life with anyone else.”

A tear falls onto TK’s cheek as he raises his hands to grip Carlos’s wrists, keeping his palms pressed against his face. 

“I’d rather be scared with you than have it easy with anyone else,” TK whispers, his eyes heavy as they refuse to break contact. 

Carlos feels every part of him melt as he closes the gap between them, pressing his lips to TK’s in a kiss that feels like a seal, binding them together. He can taste the salt from the other man’s tears, and he pulls him closer, wrapping him in all of the love and support that he has to give.

Later, possibly minutes or hours or days even, they break the kiss, but they don’t stop swaying in each other’s arms and, in TK’s hold, Carlos realizes that he’s finally found what he had been missing all along.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr — [howtosingit](https://howtosingit.tumblr.com/) — where I spend all of my time talking about how much I love these two.


End file.
